Friday, May 22, 2015

When Someone You Love is Diagnosed With Cancer



    Even today, with so many successful treatments, cancer is still a very scary word.  Most of us, when we hear cancer, we automatically think about nasty treatment that makes people feel sick, and then we think about death.  There are so many different types of cancers and treatments that we just can’t make assumptions.  Prognosis depends on the location of the cancer, what stage it is in, how quickly it was caught, whether or not it has spread and where it may have spread, and what treatments are available.  I think one of the most important factors is the attitude and mind set of the person with the diagnosis.  Over the years of working with people diagnosed with cancer, I have met people that were told their cancer was terminal and I have met people that were expected to survive and did not.  What is the psychological difference and why does it even matter?  The mind and the body have what is called a symbiotic relationship.  This means that the mind and the body are interdependent upon each other for survival and what affects one will affect the other.  We can never underestimate the power of the mind.  The person with the diagnosis is going to be scared and overwhelmed and confused.  They need to be in survival mode and focus on getting better.  How can you help them?  Be there for them and ask them what they want or need.  If they are the type of person that will not ask, then think of ways to make their lives less stressful.

Go to appointments with them, include them in social invitations, take them out to lunch or bring them lunch (finding out what they can eat of course).  Help them with research, take notes for them at the Dr. appointments, take them to chemo and wait with them, remind them how much they are loved.  When they are tired, give them positive feedback about how hard they are working to get better and how proud you are of them. Let them rest when they are tired and respect that they may need alone time because visiting or talking is too much of an effort.  Bring them pictures, videos, sayings that give hope and can make them laugh.  Visual imagery is so powerful and if they do not know what this is or how to do this, help them find a therapist that works with patients coping with cancer.   I have had patients imagine that they have dragons in their body burning the cancer cells, or armies going into combat and the cancer cells are the enemy.  One patient even visualized tiny angels in her body fighting the cancer cells.  The patient fighting cancer also needs someone to talk to that they don’t feel they have to protect and therefore censor what they say.  That is another reason to suggest they see a professional.  It is their safe place to talk, express fears, cry, get angry, and get strong.  If they ever express any hopelessness, remind them that the mind can do amazing things and they can be the one that is in the percent that beats the odds.


Overall, just love them and be responsive to their changing needs.  As you are doing all this, don’t forget to take care of yourself.  You are also scared and hurting and you need balance in your life.  You may find you feel guilty that you are healthy and not fighting cancer.   Remind yourself that guilt is misplaced in this situation and you also need to laugh and play and normalize your life as much as possible.  Don’t forget to reach out to the people you are close to in your life to talk about how you are feelings.  If you are really struggling and afraid of losing someone you love, you may also benefit from talking with a psychologist who can help you with coping skills and listen without judgment or needing to be protected.






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