Relaxation
Relaxation can mean
so many different things to so many people.
There are so many theories and books written about relaxation, who knew
that the concept of relaxing could be so stressful? Basically, relaxation is whatever helps you
to balance the stresses in your life.
For some people, it might be meditation (of which there are hundreds if
not more, to choose from), deep breathing, resting on a lounge chair in the
back yard or at the beach, or even reading.
Other people find projects to be relaxing for them and these may include
building or making something, or re-doing something like a room in your
home. Some people find exercise to be
relaxing, clearing their mind and helping them to feel invigorated. Whatever you decide to do as your form of
relaxation, the most important component is to actually reserve time for your
relaxation on a regular basis. I have
met many people over the years who have claimed that their annual vacation was
their form of relaxation. The problem
with this approach is the long, very long, year-long wait to experience any
form of relaxation. This approach
involves procrastination, wishing one’s life away by dreaming of their vacation
and living for that, and being so stressed by the time the vacation arrives,
the vacation only makes a small dent in the stress cycle. If vacation is the way you want to go, then I
suggest you sprinkle some 3 and 4-day weekends throughout your year even if it
shortens the annual vacation somewhat. I
would also recommend planned activities on regular weekends to keep the mojo
going. If meditation is your thing, find
a few that you like that vary by time interval.
While it is wonderful to reach a meditative state for 40 to 60 minutes,
that may not always fit in to your schedule.
Use your long meditations as often as you can during the week, but learn
some that take under 5 minutes for that “pick me up” meditative feeling. As you train your body to relax to certain
cues, it will take less and less time for your body to respond. Exercise is great on so many levels. It can relax you, energize you, help keep you
healthier, and is a wonderful stress reducer.
If you are not excited about the thought of exercise, that means you
need to try different forms of exercise until you find one that you love. There are so many options out there, from
groups to weights to sports to different forms of boating. Don’t forget the basic, walking. Find a beautiful place to walk. If you need company on your walks, enlist a
family member or even join a walking club.
Again, whatever you do to relax, enjoy it, make it at least 3 to 4 times
a week if not daily, and remember, you are worth taking care of. Life is not just about work.
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New Relationship: Am I Moving Too Fast?
In a new
relationship, what is too fast and what is too slow. Some people believe in love at first sight
and some people believe one must grow in to love. Whether you are moving too fast or too slow
depends on the two people involved.
However, that being said, there are some general guidelines that might
help you. As you become intrigued with
someone, you need to take a closer look at who this person is. How does this person talk about their ex if
they have one, their children, boss, parents?
Do they have friends? Is
everything in their life someone else’s fault or can they take ownership of
their choices? If you have children, do
they accept you as a package and are they willing to develop a positive
relationship with your children while also respecting the parental boundaries
of the other parent? This works both
ways. If they have children, you need to
develop a positive relationship with their children. If you both have children, be prepared to
work on blending the family. Discuss
discipline and have a plan for parenting both sets of children so the children
perceive the house rules as equal and fair.
How does this person deal with frustration and anger? Does their reaction match the crime or do
they over react? Are you able to
approach them and talk about anything?
Are they possessive of you or are they willing to share? Are they supportive of you maintaining your
prior relationships with friends and family or do they seem to want to separate
you from your past and your support system?
How do they handle their finances and are they even willing to discuss
finances with you? If they are moving
too fast for you, are they willing to slow down and match your pace? If not, there may be some control or impulsive issues to consider. As you
climb each step of the relationship path, do it together and with your eyes
open. Deciding on a life partner is one
of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life. Finding a new partner is easy, finding the
right partner is the challenge.
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When Feeling Disliked
We have all had the
experience of feeling that someone does not like us. It may be real or just perceived, but either
way, it makes most people feel uncomfortable.
When this happens, the first thing to do is to look at your own behavior. If you think you have not done anything to
make the other person dislike you, than it is not about you. People’s reactions are about themselves, even
if in response to you or directed toward you.
This is easy to understand intellectually, but actually quite difficult
to live. It takes some practice. For example, suppose you are meeting three
friends or co-workers for lunch and you are 30 minutes late and your cell phone
died and you just can’t call anyone. You
arrive at the restaurant and friend number 1 says, “Yeah! You are here, let’s
get started.” Friend number 2 says, “You
are so inconsiderate. I can’t believe
you made us wait and now you have ruined lunch and we have to go back to work
late all because you are so inconsiderate.”
Friend number 3 says, “I’m so glad you are all right. I was worried about you. It’s me, not you, but I imagined you on the
side of the road in a ditch.” You have
not said anything yet, you just walked in.
You were the stimulus to your three friends. Your first friend is the healthiest of the
three. That friend trusts you and is
just happy you are there and knows if you want to tell them why you are late
you will do so. The trust is there. The second friend is all about themselves and
became very paranoid that you were late intentionally and just didn't care
about them. This is a malignant response
because the person had an intent to harm you back in retaliation of perceived
harm. The third person is benign and
even stated that their reaction was about them and their anxiety. Where it gets interesting is you. Your reaction is about you. Do you feel guilty, get angry back, or just
accept that everyone has their own reaction and maybe you and Friend 2 are not
really friends? Back to the scenario of
feeling disliked. If you do not feel you
have done anything wrong, then the other person’s behavior or dislike is about
them and not you. Maybe you remind them
of someone in their past who hurt them.
Maybe you remind them of an ex or a boss who was mean. The list can be endless, and we will never be
able to figure out why someone reacts the way they do. We just need to understand and accept that it
is not about us. I would also like to
note that it is not possible to like everyone we meet and not everyone we meet
will like us, so basically, it’s a wash.
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