Coping With Adult ADHD

Many adults come in to our office stating that they have ADHD.  Of those adults, only a handful have been diagnosed either as a child or an adult.  Most have self-diagnosed themselves.  If you suspect ADHD, it is important to undergo a professional assessment as you may have ADHD, but you may also have other overlapping issues, such as learning disabilities.  While medication and skills learning will help you manage the ADHD, learning disabilities are a whole different arena and need a different type of attention and intervention.  That being said, there are many ways to learn to manage your ADHD symptoms.  A lot of management has to do with how you view and conceptualize the world, how you learn to structure your tasks and responsibilities, and even how you reinforce yourself.  For example, if you tend to lose your keys and then you are chronically late because you can’t find your keys, it would be helpful to establish a place in your home for those keys.  Have a place in your kitchen or bedroom that is designated for your keys, wallet, purse, and anything else that you must take with you when you leave your home.  If you have to mail a package, put the package in your car the day before or leave if by the front door so you don’t forget it.  Make a checklist of all the things you have to do in a day and monitor your checklist as the day progresses.  If your closet looks like a bomb went off in it, have an organized friend or relative help you clean it out and set it up and coach yourself each day when you put things away.  

Basically, train yourself to keep that closet reasonably organized by training yourself to develop a schema for an organized closet.  A big complaint I often hear in my practice is how difficult it is to concentrate at work when required to listen to a presentation.  Take notes, it will help you focus.  If you are distracted by extraneous noise at work, find a way to block out that noise, even if you need to wear headphones.  There are many strategies for your particular ADHD symptoms and a Licensed Psychologist or Social Worker can help you with that.  If you are interested in reading about self-help strategies, you can refer to our new e-book, ADHD:  A Guide for Consumers.

We hope you enjoyed reading our blog.  Please like us on Facebook and share our blog with others.  We also would appreciate your comments and we are happy to consider your ideas for topics we can address in our blog.

Promoting The Father/Daughter Relationship

I have met many fathers over the years who have questioned how to have the best possible relationship with their daughter.   At first it seems much like a mystery to many men, but in reality, it is really quite straight forward.  The most important thing you can do for your daughter is to spend time with her.  Bring her shopping with you, let her help you with your projects. Go on a father daughter date to dinner and a movie.  Go to the park with her, play ball with her, play board games with her, teach her your favorite card game. Just spend time talking to her about her life and stories about your childhood.  Build her self-esteem and tell her what you love and admire about her and compliment her on her successes and accomplishments. Encourage her to pursue her dreams. As she matures into a young woman, it is even more important to spend quality time with her and talk about issues teens’ face, issues in the world, and her opinions about what is happening both in her life and in the world. Most importantly, be honest with her and value her, and this is what she will expect from other men in her life.  

We hope you enjoyed reading our blog.  Please like us on Facebook and share our blog with others.  We also would appreciate your comments and we are happy to consider your ideas for topics we can address in our blog.

Do you think you are burned out?  How do you know?  Is it really your job or are other issues hiding behind the daily stress of work?  Let’s take a look.  First, take a look at your personal life.  Assess whether or not your personal life is balanced with joy, taking care of yourself physically and emotionally, socializing, and having enough down time for yourself.  Make sure you are eating healthy and getting some exercise at least three days a week.  Do you feel you just can’t take care of your personal life because of the demands of your job?  If yes, you definitely need to look at your options.  If you feel that you are living a balanced life and your personal life is balanced but you still dread going to work, than look at the factors that make you dread work.  Is it the work setting, the people you work with, or the actual work itself that you are unhappy with?  Fortunately, in our culture, most of us have options and are only limited by our own creativity to problem solve and willingness to make a change.  First, what kind of life do you want to be living (note: be realistic in your assessment). Maybe you want to stay in your field but step up or down in level of responsibility depending on where you are in your life.  Maybe you want to do something different within your field or you want to switch fields.  You may even dream about going back to school.  Whatever you are thinking about, apply your problem-solving skills to your particular situation and don’t hesitate to get some professional advice.  You can seek out advice from a vocational career counselor, college guidance, and even professionals in the field you are considering.  Of most importance, do not allow yourself to stay stuck.  Everything in life is a tradeoff and you need to assess what tradeoff you are willing to pay.  At the very least, arrange to take some time off so you can think about your options.

We hope you enjoyed reading our blog.  Please like us on Facebook and share our blog with others.  We also would appreciate your comments and we are happy to consider your ideas for topics we can address in our blog. 

When Your Spouse's Ex Is Toxic

You get married to someone who has been married before and you are excited to be married and both excited and scared to be a step-parent.  You meet the children and you might even meet the ex-spouse and everyone is in the honeymoon phase.  Then slippage starts to occur and your step-child tells you they don’t have to listen to you because you are not their mother.  You ask them where that came from and they tell you that their mom told them that they don’t have to listen to you.  What do you do?  Your step-child tells you that it is your responsibility to buy them school supplies and new school clothes because you have all the money and their mom does not have any money.  You find out that mom was also the source of this mis-information.  What do you do?  You have your own child and your step-child tells you that you are spending all your money on that child which is why they don’t have what they need.  Yet again, the source is the ex-spouse.  What do you do?  Information is withheld from you and you don’t show up at an activity and the child tells you that you missed their game because you don’t really care about them and didn’t really want to go.  Maybe the ex-spouse does not show up for visitation and somehow that also becomes your fault.  What do you do?  These are scenarios and questions most therapists hear on a weekly if not daily basis.  There is no one right answer as it depends on your unique situation, the personalities involved, and the ages of the children.  Blending a family is never an easy process, but there are some general guidelines that might be helpful.  First, never bad mouth the ex-spouse as the ex is an integral part of that child.  At a level the child can understand, stay with the facts.  For example, if a step-child says they don’t have to listen to you because you are not their parent, agree with them that you are not their mom or dad, but you are a parent and you are an adult in charge, so they will have to listen.  Repeat this conversation with the child with you and your spouse both present, providing a united front.  If your step-child says you need to buy them school supplies and new school clothing because you have all the money, calmly and gently explain that you do not have all the money, the money is shared with mom, and you have  a back to school budget for them and will buy some of what they need, but not all.  Let them know that their mom will share in the expense.  If you miss an activity, let the child know that you were not aware and you will find out their schedule and will put it on your calendar.   

When a step-child asks why their biological parent did not show up, tell them that you don’t know and they will have to ask their parent the next time they talk.  Don’t make up excuses such as the parent was working because if you lie to a child, they will never believe you.  Since you can’t change how anyone behaves or acts, your only viable and healthy option is to change how you cope with that person.  Stay consistent with your step-child and function as a voice of reason and not as an emotional responder (no matter how much you would really like to say on the subject of their biological parent).  As your step-child sees your behavior, he or she will learn and realize that what they experience with you is not consistent with what the other parent is telling them and they will decide on what relationship they will have with each of you.  Best of luck and make sure you take some time for yourself.

We hope you enjoyed reading our blog.  Please like us on Facebook and share our blog with others.  We also would appreciate your comments and we are happy to consider your ideas for topics we can address in our blog.