Living With A Mentally Ill Spouse

There are so many types of mental illness and so many levels of impairment within each mental illness, we would need a blog to address each specific illness and how that illness affects the spouse.  Therefore, this blog will be very general.  Maybe you married your spouse knowing they were mentally ill or maybe you found out later in the marriage or maybe the mental illness did not evolve until after you were married.  Regardless of the path you are walking with your spouse, your marriage has some extra stresses placed on it, for both of you and any children you may have.  The first step in living with mental illness is to have a working knowledge of the illness so you can both be good consumers and learn how to best manage the manifestation of your illness.  You need to read about the diagnosis, and from credible sources, not just off the internet.  Both of you need to work with a psychiatrist and psychologist (or therapist) to understand the illness and develop a system that minimizes and maximizes control over the illness.  For example, you and your spouse could benefit from learning the warning signs that a break through episode is about to occur.  If your partner has bipolar disorder, for example, and you want to try and avoid hospitalization if at all possible, write out a list together of all the warning signs/symptoms that would alert you that a medication change may be needed.

Be supportive of your spouse, they did not ask for the illness.  Support may come in the form of empathy, but also comes in the form of being involved in treatment and preventative actions.  You need to learn as much about the disease as your spouse, you need to know who is treating your spouse and also be comfortable talking to them about what you see, and you need to work closely with your spouse not only to try and avert episodes, but also the best way to minimize spousal and family distress and hurt during an episode or hospitalization.  Most importantly, treat your spouse with respect.  Just because they have a mental illness does not mean they are not smart and aware.  When at all possible, have your spouse involved in treatment decision making and pre-plan in case they have an episode that does not allow them to participate in the moment.   There are many communities that offer support groups to both the individual and the spouse and these are always worth checking out.  Be honest with your children at a level they can understand.  Being honest with children is so much better than your child filling in the gaps with their imagination.  To the youngest of children you may want to call the mental illness a boo-boo in the brain that sometimes makes that parent feel or act a certain way, but the parent always loves the child (children).  To an older child, explain that the parent has a chemical imbalance in the brain that makes them feel or act a certain way, and again, the child is still loved and wanted.  When your child is approaching becoming a young adult, share the diagnosis and the family history so that your child is aware of their genetic background and can be informed for themselves and their future family.  Remember, there is always help out there, you have to reach out for it and accept it.

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