My Boyfriend Keeps Lying To Me

 In the past 30 years, I have asked on about a weekly basis how to handle a boyfriend that keeps getting caught in lies.  Let’s start with what constitutes the basic foundation of a good relationship.  In a healthy relationship both people bring with them trust, honesty, integrity, kindness, generosity, the ability to share and compromise, and a positive intent.  If you want to be happy, you have to also want your partner to be happy.  If your partner is lying to you, you need to ask yourself why.  Are they afraid to tell you the truth?  If they are afraid to tell you the truth, have you contributed to that in any way or are they just putting themselves first before the relationship?  Are they lying about money, where they have been and who they have been with, or why they cancelled their date with you or just didn’t show up?  Are they lying about work, school, drugs?  Bottom line, if your partner is lying to you, they are not bringing honesty and integrity into the relationship.  They are not being kind or generous and their intent toward you is not positive.  The first lie you catch, you need to sit down with your partner and find out what was happening and what their reasoning was.  You need to then let them know that lying will not work for you and will be a deal breaker.  It is important that you mean this.  If after this communication and hopefully agreement to be honest, you catch them in another lie, you need to end the relationship and move on.  This may seem drastic to you, but do you really want to spend your life with someone that you can’t trust?  Do you really want to always be watching and questioning?  It is an awful way to live and erodes confidence and self-esteem.  Wish them well and move on and enhance your potential for a happy life.  What we are discussing is a form of boundary setting.  The boundary is not allowing malignant people into your life to suck the energy out of you.  Put your energy into the people that will add to your life as you add to their life. 

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