Married  and Unexpected Pregnancy 

    I was recently asked how to cope with an unexpected pregnancy when you have your life situated and you have the number of children you want.  People can have many different reactions to this ranging from excited, depressed, anxious, and scared to a combination of all of the above.  If you are keeping this baby, than the main goal is acceptance.  First, take care of your health as denial will not help you.  Second, think about all the positives to having another child.  Another person to love and nurture and to love and nurture you in return.  Remember how you keep falling in love with your children when they tell you that they love you, draw a picture for you, make a mother’s day gift for you, overcome a challenge and succeed.  Yes, they are loud, noisy, and at times defiant and difficult.  But they are funny, loyal, and you get to re-experience the world through fresh new eyes.  For most people, there is never really a perfect time to get pregnant.  And yet, each pregnancy is at the perfect time if we allow it to be.  It is often the last “oops” baby that can bring us the most joy.  We are usually experienced and seasoned by the time we have our last child, which frees us up emotionally to enjoy them in a much more relaxed way.  We are not as focused on what every step is supposed to be about because we have already been there and we generally know what to expect.  If finances are one of your biggest concerns and you already gave away all your baby furniture and items, reach out to family and friends for help.  Most of our family and friends are happy to help prepare for a new baby.  If you are worried about the change in life style, the neat thing about a baby is that you really can bring them almost anywhere.  If you need a baby sitter and can’t really afford it, maybe you and another mother can co-opt some babysitting time.   If you have children who are not happy or receptive about the idea of a new baby in the house, let them know that this is the family’s baby and they will be great at teaching the new little one all kinds of things.  They get to be the big brother or sister, which will have certain privileges associated with it (such as being able to do something first).  If the new baby has to share a room, have that sibling help decorate and set up the baby’s area, and even help pick out some blankets and baby toys.  The more involved they are, the more acceptance you are likely to see.  I was asked how to accomplish this type of acceptance if you are already mentally and physically exhausted by caring for the children you already have. This is a good time to look what is currently not working and consider some changes.  If you have no idea how to start re-structuring your life, maybe consult with a professional for some guidance. 

 It is possible you are working too hard and not enjoying enough of your life.  If your current children are a handful, maybe reach out for some guidance on how to tighten your family system and parenting so your children behave in a more cooperative way.  For example, are you being consistent with your children or have they learned that you don’t really mean what you say (or threaten).  By the way, never threaten anything you are not willing to follow through on. If your fears are more personal, such as changes in your body, you need to address that with your Doctor and yourself.  Ask your Dr. for a healthy food plan and exercise plan during the months of your pregnancy.  If you take care of yourself, the body you became pregnant with should be the body you end up with post pregnancy (with a few months of special attention).  If your hesitation involves marital issues, you and your spouse need to communicate and resolve the issues prior to the new baby and you can certainly streamline this process with professional intervention.  Most importantly, every baby deserves to be wanted and loved, especially your baby. Remember, this baby may someday be the person in your life who gives you the greatest joy.

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