Helping Your Child Deal With A Teacher Bully

Typically, when we think of our child being bullied at school, we assume it is another child.  However, sometimes it may be a teacher.  Emotional bullying can be subtle, and sometimes direct.  In Grade School, negative behaviors and attitudes may be directed toward a child who is difficult, may be not attentive, or just not as fast as other children in the class.  In Middle School and High School teachers have more flexibility in how they interact with the children, but a constant and consistent pattern of interaction with a targeted child is still considered abuse. Children often feel they can not stand up for themselves without getting into more trouble. Here are some complaints children and their parents have shared with me in sessions:

Teacher tells student they are lazy.

Teacher tells student they are irritating.

Teacher tells student they are annoying.

Teacher tells student teaching them is a waste of time.

Teacher tells student they feel they are better than the other students.

Teacher tells student they are average at best and the teacher is disappointed in them.

Teacher tells student they do not deserve the teacher.

Teacher yells, curses, and throws objects in class.

Teacher calls the entire class they are sub-average and a waste of time. 

An occasional lapse by a teacher is not typically considered abuse.  Abuse is a pattern of behavior in which one or more select students are targeted by the teacher.  At times, it can be an entire class.  However, there are options for dealing with this situation.  The first step is for the parent to contact the teacher and discuss that their child feels targeted and you are trying to figure out what is going on.  Many teachers will deny any wrongdoing, but once they realize the child has disclosed to the parent and the parent is now involved, that is enough to stop the abusive pattern.  If talking with the teacher in a rational and cooperative way does not work, it is time to set up a meeting with the teacher and the guidance counselor at the school and see what can be done to help the teacher student relationship.  A parent has much more power within the school system than they may realize and can work their way up to the principal and even the school board, although it is very rare to have to climb this high on the ladder of authority.  Once you get to the level of assistant principal, you can typically have your child transferred to another class.

All this being said, make sure your child is being honest with you before you go out on a limb for them.  If they are contributing to the problem with disrespect or “bad behavior”, than your job in defending them and intervening for them will be much more difficult as the tendency will be for the school to emphasize the child’s behavior and not the teacher’s behavior.  However, even if the child is contributing to the problem, it does not give the adult teacher permission to become emotionally abusive.  If a teacher becomes abusive, it is not uncommon for classmates to follow suite.  Stay calm, be the voice of reason, and most adults in authority will listen to you and will want your child to have a good experience in their school.

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