Power vs. Empowerment

 Welcome to Shrink It Down.  This is our first blog and there were so many subjects to choose from.  I thought I would start with a general premise that I teach my patients.  Many people do not really understand the difference between power and empowerment.  Power is something we try to exert over other people, while empowerment is what we exert over ourselves.  Empowerment is the focus of many different forms of therapy, taking on many different labels.  Empowerment is based on our internal dialog, or what we say to ourselves.  If we allow other people to control out thoughts, we have given our personal power over to them.  However, if we stay in control of our thoughts and interpretations, than we stay empowered and from empowerment stems boundaries.  Boundaries are what we place around ourselves to both interact with the world and protect ourselves.  If I have no boundaries and can not find it within myself to say no, than people may be very tempted to take advantage of me.  If I have solid, balanced boundaries, than people will not be able to take advantage of me because I will be able to say no. 

Not only will I be able to say no, I will be able to say no without guilt.  Back to empowerment.  If empowerment is based on our internal dialog, than that basically means that empowerment and boundaries are based on our interpretation of what we experience.  To make our point about empowerment, let’s go back to boundaries.  If someone asks us to do something for them and we say no, and in response to our no the other person tries to make us feel guilty for saying no, we need to realize that the guilt is a manipulation by the other person to get what they want.  Their attempts to guilt us into doing what they want is the manipulation.  If we interpret their behavior as their agenda that really has nothing to do with us, than we have no reason to feel guilty.  If we have no reason to feel guilty, than it is less likely the manipulation with work.  If the manipulation does not work, it reinforces our boundaries.  It all fits together like a 3-D puzzle and as long as we put all the pieces together, we stay empowered, have good boundaries, are able to say no, and eliminate the experience of feeling guilty, thereby reinforcing the empowerment.  Of course, everything we talk about is initially easier said than done.  It takes practice, and there will be some slippage.  However, just by recognizing this cycle, even after the fact, will start to change our belief system about ourselves and contribute to greater empowerment. 

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