Coping With Aging Issues 

Welcome back.  Recently one of my patients asked me to write about coping with aging, so this is for her and everyone else who has had to deal with this issue either in themselves or with someone they love.  If we are fortunate, all of us will have to some day deal with the aging process.  There are as many ways to age as there are people.  However, there are some similarities that we will all face if we live long enough.  As people age they have to deal  with losses, often on multiple levels.  These losses may include loss of a spouse or partner, sometimes the loss of a child, loss of physical integrity and loss of income and life style.  The older we get, the more people we tend to lose. Not only people in our families, but friends and their family members as well.  As one patient told me, at 85, even losing actors and favorite authors was painful because it was one more connection with her world that was lost.  Grief tends to piggy back on other  losses and each time we lose someone, we may re-grieve other people we have lost.  As painful as this is, as much as this is the part of life that we do not like, it is so important that we focus on who is here, enjoying the newer members of our families, enjoying the new people we meet, and living in the present and not in the past.  While we never forget those who are gone, if we live in the present the loss is an ache rather than an acute and chronic pain.  It is important to stay as active and involved as possible.  Leave your house daily.  Don’t hide from life.  Reach out to others, such as through family, friends, clubs, volunteering, and church or temple.  If you are housebound, stay involved with people by inviting them to visit you.  Call family and friends, write them, read, watch movies, listen to the news.  If you live in a community that has social activities, go to them.  I once went to a local play in a seniors community and I was so impressed with some of the people who showed up in wheel chairs and with oxygen masks because they did not allow that to stop them from enjoying themselves.  This leads into talking about dealing with declining physical health or abilities.  Some of us stay active and in shape, some of us don’t.  

Some of us stay generally healthy, some of us have to deal with debilitating and chronic illnesses.  Again, try not to go to the past, but stay in the present and focus on what you can do.  Make your life as enriched as you can, even if you can’t leave your home alone, even if you spend much of your time in  bed or can no longer walk or get around on your own.  If you can no longer read, listen to books on tape, listen to music, record your life stories for your family, and again, invite people to visit you.  If you withdraw from life, everything is that much harder.  If you need to rest, then rest, but try and achieve as much stimulation as you can on any given day.  A major adjustment for many people is the loss of income, followed by downsizing.  Some people embrace downsizing, many others find it depressing.  Think about the pluses of downsizing.  Use this as an opportunity to give away anything you never really liked that much.  Think about what you really want or need.  If you have been storing items for years and not using them, you probably don’t need them.  While many may grieve getting rid of possessions, many also find that it is nice not be owned by their possessions.  Let someone else enjoy them.  If you have to move in with family or into a facility, make your room a reflection of who you are and surround yourself with the things that make you smile.  Remember, it is your turn to be older, wiser and revered by those younger than yourself.  Enjoy your wisdom that comes with years, and make aging a process to embrace and enjoy.  You are the role model for the next generation, and they are just behind you.

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